Life as a Feather

“Listen: there was once a king sitting on his throne. Around Him stood great and wonderfully beautiful columns ornamented with ivory, bearing the banners of the king with great honour. Then it pleased the king to raise a small feather from the ground, and he commanded it to fly. The feather flew, not because of anything in itself but because the air bore it along. 

Thus am I, a feather on the breath of God.”  

Hildegard von Birgen

That quote, “Thus am I, a feather on the breath of God,” stuck in my heart and mind and would not leave.  As you know by now, I am a sucker for a good visual so I had to have a feather. The longer I thought on it, the more excited I became.  I began to wonder about how my life would be different if I truly lived as a feather on the breath of God.  I loved the beauty and the imagery of a feather being effortlessly borne along to places unknown and totally free.  My whole blog was born out of a desire to give up control of my life and allow God to have control, so this fit perfectly.   It would definitely call for a study on submission.  The thought of being a slave to God’s will floated into my mind and sacrificing my agenda to be moved by God’s breath. More questions wafted into my mind like why am I so earth bound and how do I give up control?  These were all topics I wanted to check into. This might turn out to be a real adventure.

Of course, the first thing I needed was a feather.  I immediately hopped on Amazon.com and checked out the feather possibilities and found a wide selection from the simple to the exquisite.  I settled on a small unpretentious feather.  Since the idea of being “out of control” was the theme for my blog, I thought I would incorporate that with an ink well for my feather.  I placed an order and waited.  In our age of downloading everything I need from crochet patterns to books, actually waiting for my package to arrive via USPS was challenging.  Finally one day I came home and there on my front step was a small brown Amazon box.  The feather had arrived. I quickly took the box inside and opened it.  There was the simple gray feather I had ordered.  My flesh was immediately offended.  It was too plain, too simple for such a grand adventure. It was small and a little frayed at the bottom.  It was not even capable of writing on its own. The quill had been cut not to drink up ink and write, but rather to hold a nib.    The ink well was smaller than I had envisioned. It was clear glass with a thin metal cap.  It was totally unimpressive. My flesh said you deserve something better – something prettier, bigger, and capable of writing on its own.  You should look for a brilliant blue feather from one of the Blue Jays that eats at your bird feeder or a bright red Cardinal feather.  Or even better, maybe I should order a fluffy red ostrich feather that would gently swoop down as I wrote.

It was right then that I was hit with my first feather “aha” moment. (You would think being hit with a feather moment would be no big deal, but this one packed quite a wallop.) This is not about me but about the glory of God.  I quickly realized my simple gray feather was perfect.  Everything about it was perfect.  It was small and plain to remind me that I am nothing without Christ. It was incapable of drinking up ink and writing on its own.  I too am at God’s mercy to speak, write, or simply live.  The nib does not hold a lot of ink and reminds me of my constant need to immerse myself back in the Spirit.  I can write one or two words and then I need to dip once again in the ink well and soak up more ink before I continue.  So once again, I was excited about my simple gray feather pen and its small clear ink well.

Several months have gone by and I can report that being a feather is much harder than you would think and I have had several more “aha” moments.  I have found it difficult to wait for the breath of God to lift me and move me effortlessly through my day.  I get impatient and demanding.  I have found a host of things like anger, unforgiveness, and grumbling;  just to name a few, cause me to be more like an elephant than a feather. 

My feather has also taught me some lessons in humility. There have been times that I did wait and catch the breath of God and moved at His bidding to write a note, make a call, or help someone in need only to find myself proud as a peacock and strutting my little feather.   I found myself aggravated that I was not noticed, applauded, or recognized.  Back to my original “aha” moment that feathers know it is not about them.

Surrendering my will to the Lord’s will has not been easy either.  Words like absolute submission and unconditional obedience seem to ruffle this little feather.  Sometimes the breath of God comes at inconvenient times and takes me in directions I don’t want to go. 

My simple gray feather and clear unimpressive ink well sit on my desk today as a constant reminder.  I am the feather and God is the King.  

Just For You

It is January and winter is upon us. As I look out my window, all the trees have lost their leaves and stand bare against a cold dark gray sky.  Just a few months ago, they were covered with green leaves that did not allow anyone to see the true picture, but now they stand exposed for all to see every imperfection, every broken and misshapen branch, and every scar left from past storms. It would seem that the trees have died, but actually this is the time when nature rests and the trees are being renewed and strengthened in anticipation of a new spring season.

Just as winter comes every year in the natural, we all go through spiritual winters.  Spiritual winters leave us, like the trees, completely exposed.  What we were able to hide when life was full is gone.  Our imperfections are obvious to everyone, our weaknesses are glaring, and our brokenness revealed.  Just as winter allows the trees to rest and be renewed for the beginning of a new fruitful season, God has not left us and the hope of spring abounds for us also.

A friend of mine recently posted that she was enrolled in a quilting class.  From that post my mind wondered to a hand stitched quilt tucked away in a chest in the basement made by my Great-grandmother.  Today most quilts are works of art that are never really meant to be used, but not so with my Great Grandmother’s quilt.  She would cut pieces of fabric out of old shirts, Sunday dresses, baby blankets, or whatever cloth she was able to salvage from articles of clothing she found in her home.  She would cut different shapes and arranged colors into patterns to create a covering that was both functional and beautiful, but the main objective was to keep someone she loved warm when the bitter cold winter winds were howling.

I have been through some very long and hard spiritual winters.  There have been times when the hope of spring seemed far off or gone altogether.  It was in those times I discovered that God had custom designed a one-of-a-kind hand made quilt just for me.  Just as my Great-grandmother used fabric that came from clothing she knew and that held memories for her, God used experiences from my past that brought to my memory his amazing grace and His abundant mercy.  He put those together with pieces of His faithfulness, hope, and joy to form a block. I saw other blocks that reminded me that He was my rock, my fortress, my high tower and He had not changed.  I saw blocks made of His unfailing love, peace, and strength.  As I gazed upon my quilt, I was struck by all the memories it held of past times when God was with me and comforted me and protected me from the harsh realities of this life keeping me safe and warm until spring arrived.  As I looked closely at my Great-grandmother’s quilt, I saw that every stitch was made by hand.  Her quilt of love took her hours.  God’s quilt is also hand stitched with bright red thread that reminds me that He gave His life for me and that He loves me more than I will ever know.  His quilt has kept me warm when the bitter cold winter winds blew across my life.  I treasure my Great-grandmother’s quilt and the memories it holds for me and I treasure the quilt that the Lord has covered me with in the past knowing that should I need it again, it will be there.

So if you find yourself in the middle of a spiritual winter, take heart.  God has a quilt especially made just for you.  This quilt is not meant to be put on display, or packed away in a chest.  This quilt is not meant to be a small covering for your legs.  This quilt of love is meant to enfold you.  If the cold harsh winds of life are blowing over your life today, I encourage you to take your quilt and wrap it around your entire body.    Take some time and remember the memory that is captured in each block. Allow God to strengthen and renew you and prepare you for a new season of fruitfulness.   Remember you are loved and surrounded by an Almighty God and spring will come again. 

Song of Solomon 2:11-13

¹¹ Look, the winter is past,
      and the rains are over and gone.
 ¹² The flowers are springing up,
      the season of singing birds has come,
      and the cooing of turtledoves fills the air.
 ¹³ The fig trees are forming young fruit,
      and the fragrant grapevines are blossoming.
   Rise up, my darling!
      Come away with me, my fair one!”

Losing Weight

Have you ever had the thought that if you were rich and could afford a personal trainer you could lose those extra ten pounds?  You just need someone to hold you accountable.  You need someone to show you the correct way to exercise.  You need someone to show you what to eat and what not to eat?  That’s right, that is why I am still ten pounds heavier than I want to be.  The problem is not me; it is because I don’t have a personal trainer.
I was having this whole conversation with myself when suddenly I was interrupted by another thought.  The Holy Spirit was willing to be my personal spiritual trainer.  Now you would think I would jump with joy and say, “yes, yes, yes” but truthfully Jillian Michaels face from the show Biggest Loser popped into my mind.  Have you watched her?  She takes no excuses, demands more than the person wants to give, and cuts no deals.  
So now I had a choice to make.  I could choose to remain the same or I could take God up on His offer. I could tell God no thank you.  He would still love me, but part of Him would probably ache that I am not willing to allow Him to help me be the best that I can be.  The difference would be that going forward I had no excuse. The truth is that losing ten pounds spiritually is no easier than losing ten pounds physically.  It demands changes in my lifestyle and my life choices.  It requires that I examine my life and figure out why I don’t read my Bible, why I don’t pray more, why I do what I don’t want to do.  This is not a change for six weeks and then everything reverts to the old patterns.  No this change is for a lifetime.  It will demand discipline on a daily basis. 

Just like I have tried a zillion diet plans, I have been at this spiritual crossroads more than once.  The desire stage is cool.  I buy a new Bible with all kinds of references.  I get different color highlighters.  I get a new journal.  I am ready.  But the next step is the daily discipline, which is not as cool.
The techniques needed to lose spiritual weight are the polar opposite to losing physical weight.   Instead of “don’t eat” I hear “eat”.  I am finding out that I consume way too little of God’s word.  It is no wonder I am so spiritually weak – I am starving myself.  The other thing is that when I do consume God’s word a lot of the time it is like empty calories.  If you ask me five minutes later what I read, I cannot tell you.  My Personal Trainer is redirecting my reading of the Word.  For me this means that when I read the Word I read with the intention of coming away with something that sustains me, builds me up, corrects me or in some way changes me.  It is not a matter of how many chapters, staying on a reading program, a certain amount of time, but has my time in the Word strengthened me spiritually.  It is like my Personal Trainer has put together a program designed especially for my specific needs. 

Next instead of hearing exercise more I hear “be still”.  You would think that being told to be still would be music to my ears.  You would think so, but not so much.  Try it – just go sit in a chair for 15 minutes.  It is excruciating.  My mind goes into overdrive.  I may be sitting, but I am not still.  I am making lists in my head.  I feel guilty for sitting.  I am planning what I will do when I am through being still.

Then instead of hearing stay away from sweets I hear taste and see that the Lord is good.
Psalm 119:103  How sweet your words taste to me;  they are sweeter than honey.
Changing what I crave is going to take time.  For someone who has practiced eating only what is healthy and developed a taste for natural wholesome food, a Big Mac and a large fry are not really a temptation.  If they do wander from their normal way of eating and consume a Big Mac and a large fry, their taste buds are not aroused.  They have trained themselves to desire what is good and healthy. I still desire American Pickers, CNN, Sunday afternoon  football, Nascar, or facebook.  There is nothing wrong with any of them, but they are like empty calories and do nothing to make me strong and spiritually healthy.  My Personal Trainer is helping to wean me off the junk food and help me to develop a taste for the sweetness of His Word.
  
 Another difference is instead of the Jillian yelling – God whispers. 
I  live  in a noisy  world  and  to get my attention you would  probably have to yell  but  my  Personal Trainer does not yell.  To hear His voice I am going to have to listen.. 
1 Kings 19:11-13 (NLT)
 11 “Go out and stand before me on the mountain,” the Lord told him. And as Elijah stood there, the Lord passed by, and a mighty windstorm hit the mountain. It was such a terrible blast that the rocks were torn loose, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. 12 And after the earthquake there was a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire there was the sound of a gentle whisper. 13 When Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave.

   And a voice said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?”
 I need to be still.

The one thing that is the same is that the extra spiritual weight I carry is heavy and has a direct effect on how I live my life.  The weight affects how I see myself and how I interact with others.  It affects what I can do for God.  When I am weighed down, I cannot follow Him to the high places.  I settle for a life tethered to the ground when I am meant to soar with the eagles.    Unforgiveness, envy, fear, doubt, and laziness all weigh a spiritual ton.  Shedding my spiritual weight will not be easy or quick but I do have my own Personal Trainer. 

Happy New Year!

This is my first blog of 2012 and what would you naturally expect the subject of the first blog of the New Year to be - resolutions -of course!  My local paper was filled with all sorts of suggestions. A lot of them had to do with losing weight and living healthy.  Another one said to keep their grades up, one to be kinder, and one said not to judge or hate.  These are all wonderful things to aspire to, but as you know by now, my bubble is not quite in the center of the level, so my New Year’s Resolution is just a little different.

As I was thinking and praying about my New Year’s resolution, the word rear guard came to my mind.  (Didn’t I just say that I am not quite in the center of the level bubble!)  I ran some Bible references and found -

Numbers 10:25 (NIV) Finally, as the rear guard for all the units, the divisions of the camp of Dan set out under their standard.

 Matthew Henry says Dan’s division followed last.  “It is called the rear guard, of all the camps, because it gathered up all that were left behind – all the unclean, the mixed multitude, and all that were weak and feeble, and lingering behind in the march.”

This was right up my alley.  I have taken the spiritual gifts test and my dominant gift is mercy, so this was a perfect match.  I would settle in the rear of God’s army and watch for those who were struggling, weak, and having a difficult time.  These would be my retirement years in the army of God.  My mind was already making plans but the Holy Spirit kept nudging that there was more so I turned to google.  (I will have to say I cannot even remember life before google.)  To my horror, when I googled rear guard this is what I found.

“The nature of combat in rear guard actions involving combat between armies of nation-states is typically desperate and vicious, and rear guard troops may be called upon to incur heavy casualties or even to sacrifice all of their combat strength and personnel for the benefit of the withdrawing forces.”

This was nowhere near what I thought I was signing up for.  The words vicious, heavy casualties, and sacrifice were not music to my ears, so I kept looking. 

I ended up watching Moses handle the first military battle after bringing the children of Israel out of Egypt.  The children of Israel had been attacked from the rear and Moses would respond.  Moses was the one that God had called to lead the children of Israel to the Promised Land so you would naturally think that it would be Moses who would lead them into battle, but that was not the case.

Exodus 17:8-11 (NIV) Now Amalek came and fought with Israel in Rephidim. And Moses said to Joshua, "Choose us some men and go out, fight with Amalek. Tomorrow I will stand on the top of the hill with the rod of God in my hand." So Joshua did as Moses said to him, and fought with Amalek. And Moses, Aaron, and Hur went up to the top of the hill. And so it was, when Moses held up his hand, that Israel prevailed; and when he let down his hand, Amalek prevailed.

Moses is a perfect example of someone who takes his or her position in the rear guard.  As Joshua was leading the men into battle, Moses was behind praying.  I know a lot of people who are fighting financial battles, emotional battles, physical battles, and spiritual battles.  I am sure you do too.   If you have felt helpless not knowing what to do, let me suggest -

Ephesians 6:17-18 (NLT)

17b and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.   18 Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.

My 2012 New Year’s resolution is to take the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God and to stand in prayer for those who find themselves in the middle of one of life’s battles.  Remember that when Moses held up his hand, Israel prevailed; and when he let down his hand, the enemy prevailed.  So I won’t be retiring this year, instead I will be looking into lessons on sword fighting. 

Hope to see a lot of swords flashing this year!